A Trip to the Store

By John Addyman  |  john.addyman@yahoo.com

I’m getting to the part of my life where I’m asking, “Is this an age thing or a guy thing or a 315 area code thing or a marriage relationship thing?”

Maybe you can help me decide. Maybe you have some wisdom to share.

Here’s the situation. My wife and I are going to the store. I look at my watch and I say, “We have to get going in the next five minutes.”

She says, “OK. I’m working on it.”

Five minutes pass.

“We have to go,” I say.

“You’re right: I have to go the bathroom.”

Minutes later… “Honey, we’re going to be late.”

“I have the wrong shoes on.”

“The store will be closed before we get there.”

“No, it won’t. You always do this.”

“We really are late.”

“Just let me put my shoes on.”

“Where are they? I don’t see them.”

“They’re upstairs.”

“Please go get them.”

She stops in the middle of the steps, turns and tells me: “I also need to get the reusable bags out of my car.”

“No, you don’t, I already put them into my car. Let’s go.”

“Did you get my favorite bags?”

“I got four bags. I’m sure several of them are your favorites.”

“We need to take the blue one — it’s for frozen foods.”

“It’s getting dark. The street lights are starting to turn on.”

“Did you get the blue bag?”

“I don’t remember. We have to go. I’m going to go out and start the car and back slowly down the driveway.”

“Really? Are you going to make me run after the car?”

“No. You can catch up with a spirited walk. You’re going to get the correct shoes for that, right?”

And out the door I went. I started the car and gunned the engine a couple of times. Vroom, Vroom!! I wanted her to know that I was serious about leaving.

The back door didn’t open. She might have gone to the bathroom again. I beeped the horn a couple of times. The door stayed closed.

“I give up,” I said to myself and I shut off the car. And I sat for a couple of minutes. What was she doing?

Time for me to get out and go to the back door and see what was happening. I opened the door.

“Why are you standing there?” she asked. “I thought we had to go.”

“I’m trying to find out why we’re still here when we were on our way to the store a couple of hours ago.”

She looked at me like I had two heads.

“I’m ready,” she said. “Let’s do it.”

And she stood up from the kitchen table, bags in her arms and her purse over her shoulder.

“Do you have your phone?” I asked, just trying to eliminate another potential delay.

“Of course.”

“Your wallet?”

“Sure.” She was walking toward me.

I looked at her, expectantly. “Got everything?”

“Of course.”

Holding the door open for her as we walked down the back steps, I asked, “What took you so long? I thought you were ready.”

“I got a call from my sister.”

“What did she want?”

“She was walking out the door while her husband was waiting for her in the car.”

“What took her so long?”

“She had to get her shoes, her purse, her bags, her keys, her wallet, her eye drops, her grocery list…”

That stopped me in my tracks. I put my hand on my wife’s arm to slow her down and asked a question I really didn’t want the answer for.

“Do you have your grocery list?”

My wife gave me a quizzical look. She was thinking. Cars passed our house out on the street. Birds were chirping. We could hear a plane overhead. The breeze was rustling the leaves. The universe started to grind to a halt. I said to myself, “Oh, no…”

And now my sweet wife’s face changed. She put her hand on my arm, gave me a little pat and pivoted on the steps. She pursed her lips.

“No,” she said.

Then she gave me a kiss, poked me softly on the chest and smiled…and skipped quickly back into the house.

I got back into the car and said to myself, “Does anybody else go to the store like this?”