Writing is a Dish Best Served With Friends
Members of PIM (Partners in Medicine) Writers’ Group gather once a month to eat, chat and discuss their writings
By John Addyman
Bea DeBuono had saved her surprise for the end of the meeting.
Nobody quite enjoys the meetings like she does.
She’s 99 and make no mistake — she comes dressed to the nines and sits there while things are going on, a smile on her face and a twinkle in her eye.
“I have something to read,” she told everyone, taking out a little clipping from a magazine. She proceeded:
“Oh my God! I’m rich.
“I have silver in my hair,
“Gold in my teeth,
“Crystals in the kidney,
“Sugar in the blood,
“Lead in the butt,
“Iron in the arteries,
“And an inexhaustible supply of natural gas.”
The laughter was thunderous in the small meeting room at Bill Gray’s Restaurant in Penfield.
DeBuono is a member of the PIM (Partners in Medicine) Writers’ Group, the brainchild of Paul Luciano, a consultant who was researching “embedded care navigation — all the things that come with not knowing what to do as you get older and not having anyone to turn to,” he explained.
The study was looking for ways to reduce the number of unnecessary trips seniors make to the emergency room. That meant he and others interacted with study participants to find solutions that ultimately were tied to quality of life.
“One common theme the study found was a lack of social connection. In my opinion, a big part of the success of the program was the time that was afforded to the patient and the feeling of connectedness with their doctor’s office in a different way. Patients were more confident to meet challenges because of an increased positive perception of the role of their primary care provider.
“The people I was meeting were creative, socially isolated people, people who were yearning for a sense of community and camaraderie. Maybe they didn’t literally bring it up but they were looking for a creative support group.”
That “creative support group” wasn’t part of his charge in conducting the study, so Luciano took it upon himself to start one.
“I met a gentleman, a writer, who had been writing all his life. He said, ‘I want to get involved in something.’ That was the catalyst that started it.”
The PIM Writers’ Group was born.
On a bright morning last September in Penfield, the writers filed into a meeting room at Bill Gray’s restaurant.
There was a lot of white and silver hair.
And some dazzling outfits. One wonderful black hat for emphasis and mystery.
Siggy LaSalle, 95, from Irondequoit, brought two of her grown granddaughters from California and Seattle — they were so enthused to see what was going on after hearing their grandmom, who had written a book, talk about the writers’ group in such glowing terms.
The group meets monthly except for July.
And it’s a welcoming bunch.
“My grandfather had some good advice for me,” Luciano shared. “He’d say, ‘You can’t just be good to people, you have to be good for people.’ I’ve taken that to heart and believe a sense of belonging, of community, is an imperative for all people, especially older adults who many times find themselves alone at a time of life when they need others the most.”
The members of the group — the youngest being 67 and the oldest 101 — haven’t lost their creative instincts. They have an itch Luciano helped them scratch, enjoying the process with their peers.
Each meeting starts with a meal. Then the writers share what they’ve come up with since the last meeting. Luciano primes the pump with some suggestions he mails out before the meeting. This time he suggested writing about summer’s end, a fun summer highlight, a strength that defined their lives or a “potluck” subject of their choosing.
Suzanne “Zsa-Zsa” Bello, 89, is from Hungary, and is a former ballerina. She began by saying that some of her friends “have gone on to live in the heavens” since the last meeting. She wrote that “flowers are God’s creation for the delight of mankind.” Her grandfather was a landscaper in Hungary, caring for the three-mile walk to the railroad depot. Her grandmother had so many flowers; people would stop and ask her for seeds.
“We are very, very lucky to be blessed with God’s grace so we can take our minds off all the wars and the hatred that is going around the world,” she wrote. “This begins inside the human heart. We will pray that soon, very soon, humans can forgive each other for all these difficulties. Then, with peace, we will all love one another with hope for the future. God bless you all.”
Lorraine Fusare, 85, wrote “a kind of a poem” entitled “The Rock and The Cup.” She described a summer camping vacation trip where a mother pours a steaming cup of coffee and walks to creekside, balancing the cup on a large rock. And she wrote:
“Coffee cup teeters on the expanse of rock. Water rivulets play slapping at the side. The gurgling of the stream sings a song, too.
“A raised hand blocks out the blinding sun’s rays. Some rays escape and dance on the water, like fireflies flitting in the night.
“Children’s happy voices sound in the distance. A new generation living on nature’s bounty. Will they ever know about the rock?
“Then the mother catches her reflection in the water. Today it is her rock. Her story. Her time to just be.
“She reflects on the fireside stories remembered in the swirling of flames and the cracking, popping and hissing. The only sound to be heard in the night. The fire tells a story of reflection of those surrounding this masterpiece of art. “
The sounds of the campground finally move her off the rock. Time to get breakfast ready. She finishes the poem…
“Summer rushed away, just like the creek. Falling leaves bid all good-bye. The rock is strong. It waits in silence, holding its secrets until she comes back…if she does.”
Rosalie Mancini, 86, said a lot in few words.
“The youngest of four siblings in the family is nothing to be thankful for. I was at a loss at 10 years of age but I was luckier than the others, because they were doing most of the work of adapting without a mother. What does a 10-year-old girl know about anything? Looking back at the years past, it’s tempting to say, ‘Live and Learn.’
“I can now justify so much more in life and reflect back on so many things and times involving my friends, family and loved ones to show me, teach me and exhibit how life, friends and family had the most wonderful part of living and growing up and reflecting so much. Where would this world be without friends and family?”
Siggy LaSalle, 95, wrote about the change of seasons coming up.
“Where has the summer gone? We all love our summers, especially here in the north where our winters last up to six months. Our summer brings new life back into nature and body and soul. It renews our spirits and our activities. It makes life great again. We hate to see it come to an end. And we dread the dark days of winter with all the inactivity…especially at our advanced age.
“Of course, summer does not come to an abrupt end. It slowly brings us into the fall season, which has its own splendor. It slowly changes nature into another wonderful season. I love fall, the colors and changes in the leaves, and the cooler nights are fantastic.
“Summer’s end is just an adjustment of the mind. Enjoy life every day.”
Dolly Acquilano, 67, had all kinds of things to look forward to…
“I absolutely love the beauty of fall. All the gorgeous colors, such fresh air and I know Thanksgiving is coming, my favorite holiday. I love all my family coming to my house and watching football and eating. But I also look back at how the summer flew by.
“Now we are getting out all the fall decorations — Halloween is around the corner; I look forward to carving the pumpkin with my granddaughter and seeing all the kids in their costumes. The leaves will be falling to the ground and I can hear my husband telling me how many bags of leaves he raked up.”
Ellen DeBuono, 101, wrote some thoughts about her seashell collection.
“When examining and fingering the various shells you notice the shapes, colors, texture and size of some of the shells. Some are different and have their own uniqueness. Some are perfect, others are worn and broken.
“This is an analogy that relates to the peoples of the world. Siblings as well as relatives can be very similar in terms of characteristics, yet each has a different personality, talent, capability and interest in life. Like a shell, each person is special in his or her own right, in spite of many similarities. Even twins, who are identical, are different, each with their own special traits.
“Also, as when you examine shells, look for the beauty in each one, even though some may be worn from the passing of time, broken and chipped by the churning and stormy lashes of the sea. At the same time, enjoy and relish these, the wonders of nature.”
Bea DeBuono, 99, wrote about the Writers’ Group.
“This program has been a blessing for us. My sister, Ellen, is 101 and I’m 99. Here we have the opportunity to interact with a diversified group to keep our minds stimulated. Paul has also provided good tips and shown us how to acquire a positive attitude.”
“These people have taught me the power of community,” Luciano said. “I always believed that, but to see if first-hand, just to hear the narrative and how important it is to have this group for people. It’s really hard for people to know what it’s like to be alone, day after day, at a time of life when you’re starting to depend on people more and more. It’s kind of a reverse slope. As we get older, that’s the time of life we need other people around the most. It can be extremely challenging. To have that positive sense of camaraderie is important.”
About Paul Luciano
He has a master’s degree in public health from Emory University. He has held positions at the Centers for Disease Control Foundation and the AOMA Graduate School of Integrative Medicine. He has consulted with communities on disaster resilience and mitigation. He is working on a few novels and started a classic car video production company this summer. He also belongs to the Lake Ontario Surf Club (LOSERS).
To learn more about the PIM Writers Group or to ask how you might organize your own group, contact Paul Luciano at ophconsultingservices@gmail.com